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Tom Neuhoff
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Dear Satan:
Vancouver has been our family’s home for three generations. Two of them legal. I don’t know if the news has reached Hell yet but Vancouver is hosting the Winter Olympics in February. People will be flooding our precious city from all ove…
The following is a humour column I submitted to a newspaper in Salt Lake City. Of course I would rather be writing for a newspaper on the Sunshine Coast but I would also like a weekend at the Best Western with Megan Fox.
“Satan’s Corner”
Dear Sat…
Hollywood Daze
In L.A. just about everyone came from somewhere else. A growing number are from Central America and haven’t learned English yet. Many of them never want to learn. Others are from Russia, Armenia and all across Europe. The rest of us drove here from other states. I came from Wisconsin. The one thing we all have in common is that we experience homesickness. We miss not only our home land but also the culture and traditions we grew up with. L.A. becomes our home but in our heart home will always be another land. That land for me is Wisconsin. At least it was until I set foot on the Sunshine Coast.
Although I didn’t grow up on the Sunshine Coast it’s home to me now. That's because no place on the planet makes me happier. There is a joy I get from walking down Wharf Road, up Cowrie or any other street in Sechelt that I just don't get anywhere else. Most of us live where we want to live. That’s the beauty of living in a free country. If I was allowed to work in Canada I would be packing immediately. I was born an American but I am in love with Canada. It's hard to explain. It's like being married to a woman you'll never divorce but you're passionately in love with a really hot mistress. The Sunshine Coast is my hot mistress. The scenery from Langdale north is absolutely stunning. The people of the highest caliber. It is the closest I’ll ever get to Heaven.
I am comedy writer/improv comic but my day job is giving tours of stars homes. Most people in Hollywood can't make a living in show business. That's reality. Hey, we've got to pay the bills too. The following blogs chronicle my memories of growing up in a small Wisconsin farm town as compared to my life chasing fame in Hollywood. As compared to my time on the Sunshine Coast. More importantly these blogs give me a chance to rave about your part of the world. The best part. I hope you enjoy them.
Feel free to contact me with feedback or any questions. If you're planning a trip to L.A. and am curious about tours of stars homes I can offer you some free advice. It's the least I can do. After all, I might get lost on the Sunshine Coast someday. We can toss back a few Canadian beers down at the Lighthouse Pub. You can't beat their food and the view is to die for.
Although I didn’t grow up on the Sunshine Coast it’s home to me now. That's because no place on the planet makes me happier. There is a joy I get from walking down Wharf Road, up Cowrie or any other street in Sechelt that I just don't get anywhere else. Most of us live where we want to live. That’s the beauty of living in a free country. If I was allowed to work in Canada I would be packing immediately. I was born an American but I am in love with Canada. It's hard to explain. It's like being married to a woman you'll never divorce but you're passionately in love with a really hot mistress. The Sunshine Coast is my hot mistress. The scenery from Langdale north is absolutely stunning. The people of the highest caliber. It is the closest I’ll ever get to Heaven.
I am comedy writer/improv comic but my day job is giving tours of stars homes. Most people in Hollywood can't make a living in show business. That's reality. Hey, we've got to pay the bills too. The following blogs chronicle my memories of growing up in a small Wisconsin farm town as compared to my life chasing fame in Hollywood. As compared to my time on the Sunshine Coast. More importantly these blogs give me a chance to rave about your part of the world. The best part. I hope you enjoy them.
Feel free to contact me with feedback or any questions. If you're planning a trip to L.A. and am curious about tours of stars homes I can offer you some free advice. It's the least I can do. After all, I might get lost on the Sunshine Coast someday. We can toss back a few Canadian beers down at the Lighthouse Pub. You can't beat their food and the view is to die for.
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Satan's Corner
Dear Satan:
Vancouver has been our family’s home for three generations. Two of them legal. I don’t know if the news has reached Hell yet but Vancouver is hosting the Winter Olympics in February. People will be flooding our precious city from all over the globe. Many of them Americans. Americans! I was hoping you could help me out here. Maybe sending a plague of locusts but that’s been done and I know how you hate to repeat yourself. The Americans would probably just eat them anyway. I am despera… Continue
Vancouver has been our family’s home for three generations. Two of them legal. I don’t know if the news has reached Hell yet but Vancouver is hosting the Winter Olympics in February. People will be flooding our precious city from all over the globe. Many of them Americans. Americans! I was hoping you could help me out here. Maybe sending a plague of locusts but that’s been done and I know how you hate to repeat yourself. The Americans would probably just eat them anyway. I am despera… Continue
Posted on November 13, 2009 at 10:49am —
Satan's Corner
I miss evenings at the Lighthouse Pub tossing back pints of your fine Canadian beer. The following is a humour column I submitted to a newspaper in Salt Lake City. Of course I would rather be writing for a newspaper on the Sunshine Coast but I'd also like a weekend at the Best Western with Megan Fox. I'd even settle for one night with Mariah Carey in an RV. We don't always get what we want. Sad but true.
“Satan’s Corner”
Dear Satan:
Why can’t there be a state lottery in Utah? I’m tired… Continue
“Satan’s Corner”
Dear Satan:
Why can’t there be a state lottery in Utah? I’m tired… Continue
Posted on October 30, 2009 at 12:00pm —
Heaven
The Sunshine Coast
If you're like me and don't think you're ever going to see The Pearly Gates you have to check out The Sunshine Coast of British Columbia because it's the closest you'll ever get to Heaven. Those of you living there should wake up every morning and thank God you're not in Calgary. Or L.A.
The following blog was obviously written for those who have never visited the Sunshine Coast. For those of you living there I'd like to give a Shout Out to Tanya at the Upper Deck hostel in S… Continue
If you're like me and don't think you're ever going to see The Pearly Gates you have to check out The Sunshine Coast of British Columbia because it's the closest you'll ever get to Heaven. Those of you living there should wake up every morning and thank God you're not in Calgary. Or L.A.
The following blog was obviously written for those who have never visited the Sunshine Coast. For those of you living there I'd like to give a Shout Out to Tanya at the Upper Deck hostel in S… Continue
Posted on April 15, 2009 at 12:30pm —
August
A year can be a long time.
365 generations of fruit flies are born and die in a year.
That’s, coincidentally, also the number of boyfriends Brittany Spears goes through in a year. It's also how long I’ve been writing blogs. Every month a new blog and before I knew it a year had passed. I don’t know what’s sadder. People taking the time out of their busy day to read a blog I’ve written or 365 generations of fruit flies "kicking the bucket".
It’s the last few days of August. In Wisconsin footba… Continue
365 generations of fruit flies are born and die in a year.
That’s, coincidentally, also the number of boyfriends Brittany Spears goes through in a year. It's also how long I’ve been writing blogs. Every month a new blog and before I knew it a year had passed. I don’t know what’s sadder. People taking the time out of their busy day to read a blog I’ve written or 365 generations of fruit flies "kicking the bucket".
It’s the last few days of August. In Wisconsin footba… Continue
Posted on April 15, 2009 at 12:30pm —
Small Town Summers
It’s May and summer is hiding just around the corner. Out of sight but not out of mind. I imagine those of you lucky enough to live on the Sunshine Coast are probably putting up the screen windows and dropping the boat back into the water. If you haven’t already. In L.A. we’re dusting off our ammo and grinding down the serial numbers on our handguns. Ain’t summer grand?
I don’t know about you people, but some of the best memories of my life percolated out of a summer’s heat. A cherished childho… Continue
I don’t know about you people, but some of the best memories of my life percolated out of a summer’s heat. A cherished childho… Continue
Posted on April 15, 2009 at 12:30pm —
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Steveston is on the lower Mainland of Vancouver. Its an orginal fishing village that has survived in character but has been absorbed as a part Richmond now. Its a great place that truly feels like a village but is also 40 minutes max from downtown.
So not a part of the Sunshine coast but a great place none the less!
Alaska is pretty cool, the people are pretty easy going and very real but the winter is harsh if you are inland. About that work visa thing, there has got to be a way. Have you researched the ins and outs of it. Nice weather here tonight, the beach was awesome today. Where do you live in California? The one post awhile ago about immigrating is an idea.